Repentance


I am no one,

I fell and you showed me that.

I am defeated.

I want you back,

Fear holds me back

My mind wanders and my skin attacks

But my heart doesn’t lie,

And my existence is tired of black,

I am afraid of the void, and I know that

It’s you.

Calling my name

Shocking my soul and shaking my frame,

I have strayed, I have lied,

And I am to blame.

I don’t know how to start,

So I write you my thoughts like a game,

My pride, can’t move past my shame

My skin shudders in fear of your name

I chip, I crack, and pry my mind

My excuses drive me insane!

This message is an excuse,

But my hurt is plain,

I need a healer,

Jesus, today I say your name.

 

Bonded by Blood


I always have a motive,

Our friendship is artificial

And soon the wires will be cut,

And we’ll be nothing but explosive.

If I have one talent,

I know how to use,

How to manipulate your faults and choose,

This smile is a gateway only seen by you,

For I make it an art in being fake,

I develop your feelings then take,

I’m a thief, nothing but a snake.

But why, do you accept me?

You see past my smile,

See the love dug under my hate,

You see my pain, the tension in my wrists

As I cry and contract my veins.

I told you to run away, that I’m crazy,

But you’re still here, I think you’re insane,

Why do you hold me dear,

Tell me that I only fear the fear I blame in my brain?

It’s because you too, play the game.

We can read each other’s hearts,

Two broken hearts that are fake,

But what’s broken can be mended,

The shards of our hearts we will no longer be a burden,

In our bloody hands we will take,

I’ll fit your gaps, and you’ll fit mine,

Two hearts renewed, two hearts combined,

Two hearts completing the puzzle of time,

Because time stops when love conquers the mind.

 

A Series of Haiku: The One True One


Why do you hold on?

Why cannot I let you go?

Is this really love?

I may never know,

Let us be something special,

Let’s let the spark grow

You have been my heart,

Fill me and take up my soul,

Oh, the girl of dreams,

You have made me whole,

Be by my side til I die,

Oh, watch me grow old,

My only sunshine,

Whither you stand, I am home,

My love, of this poem.

Talking to the Ground


Instead of marked by holidays,

My calendar is marked by fall-aways

The times a spark has fallen away

The times a friendship meets the end of its day,

In between each mark, loneliness stays

Loneliness prays,

A new friend will come,

But my spirit wanes,

I become superficial

Tell myself its ok,

That I don’t need new friends,

That this friendship will go,

And I’d ignore you once it fades,

But inside, its not ok

People make me smile,

I secretly want you to stay,

Want you to say,

That you appreciate me,

That you’d never go away.

But every year is the same,

Every month, week, day,

It’s all the same,

But why, why does it have to be this way?

No, what’s wrong with me?

Why am I not good enough?

What did I do wrong?

And the cycle continues, all year long

Searching day after day,

But friendship can’t be found

With my head down,

I can’t hear any hellos,

When I’m listening to the ground,

And this will never change,

If I make excuses,

and expect change from others around.

Ocean of Tears


The knife drove in deep,

“Move on” she said, “there’s others.”

I felt the knife pierce my heart,

Every open heart at least gets infected,

But mine’s always wounded,

And bleeds nothing but tears.

My ears start to ring, heart sniffles,

And I, I black out.

“It keeps flooding! Hurry get him to the hospital,

Soon, he’ll have no tears left.”

This I hear, from atop a stretcher,

Yes, I have died many many times,

Ran out of tears, no emotions left to pump throughout my soul,

Survival Mode now steers,

And there’s nothing left but fear.

At the end of one’s existence, there appears a white light,

Must be why life always shines black,

Robs, never gives back,

Murder’s, and stays on the attack,

Light’s shadow: black.

I open my eyes, and kick my head back,

It’s night time: fear mode,

Lights were on, shadows showed,

With the window open,

Darkness loomed, darkness blew,

I saw my heart,

Without tears, it was blue,

I looked out the window, down the cliff and at the ocean,

Then knew, I was back at my asylum,

Mode 3: Mental Noose,

Here we most die,

But not today, today I shall live.

Today I shall cry.

The window between mere existence and life is always so near,

In my mind, so dear,

I must cross it, break through my fears,

I’m falling, to the ocean of tears,

I can hit a rock, or I can clear,

But the risk is choosing life,

A hard choice I know, I hear,

I hit the water,

I smile, and I cry,

I cry and cry and cry,

But in this ocean of tears,

My heart can never go dry,

So I swim, and I swim, and I cry,

Til I reach the other side,

Mode 1: Love Shines.
 

Loser


Don’t look me in the eyes,

I’m a failure,

Just pass me by,

Leave me in my head,

Where I rot and where I die

Where I contemplate and decide,

If I was better off born without a mind.

Some say Earth is heaven,

But lately this world seems man-made,

And I’m falling to the ninth circle of hell,

I cry out my name,

But light meets doubt and hope repels

It strikes a nerve,

I cry in pain and yell, but this cycle goes on,

My heart is frozen in a soulless ice-cell.

But all I can do is brood,

Unable to make decisions,

If I could reincarnate,

I’d kill myself and press redo,

But that, I cannot do.

I try to prove the world wrong,

But to myself I can’t prove,

I’ve walked a billion mental-miles,

But my displacement is zero, I have never moved

My only hope is an expiration date,

In that sense, we will all lose.